We struggled but there was always more than enough love to go around, and while I don't remember my mother ever pounding the pro-life message into my head, I was living proof of her commitment to it. Here and there she would teach me the value of Life and remind me that no matter how bad things got, God had something amazing in store for me... because after all, I was not "unplanned" to Him.
However, even after all I watched my mother grow through while raising me, at 16 I found myself in an almost identical situation. I was pregnant. I was single. And I was scared.
I was never confused though- at least not when it came to abortion. I KNEW that there was a life, just a valuable as my own, inside of me. I cannot begin to tell you what a comfort it was to not have to even consider that option. It truly removed so much of the "crisis" from my crisis pregnancy. Now I had time to actually evaluate all of my other options and figure out what was best for me and this precious child who in 9-months I was going to be giving birth to no matter what.
For the first 6 months I explored my true options extensively. Was I going to place this baby for adoption, or would the Lord allow me to parent Him? Through much repentance and prayer I decided to raise my son.
It was not easy. And suddenly I found myself in a very grown up world, with a lot of very grown up pressures. Now, because I had a child already, I sometimes made the dire mistake of seeing myself as society saw me- as used goods. And unfortunately, I allowed men to treat me as such. I wanted to be loved and to give my son a normal life and a family, but instead I began allowing the very sin that had caused my crisis pregnancy back into my life. I tell you this because I think many of us have a tendency to look at the woman who has three or four children all by different fathers and think, "What's wrong with you? What part of this aren't you getting?" When in actuality, they have merely gotten trapped in a vicious cycle of compromising who God made them to be and bending to the world's version of normal... all because they desperately want to feel loved and accepted. And in this day and age, we are told that allowing ourselves to be treated as a commodity is the quickest way to get that- even if we are not single mothers (yet). Women today have been sold a bill of goods and because of that evil, evil lie we are in perilous bondage. The exploitation of our bodies and self worth is what leads to the "crisis" of unplanned pregnancy and this oppression must stop if we want to see society change.
By the grace of God and the grace of God only, I did not experience any subsequent pregnancies through my promiscuity, but I know I very, very easily could have.
And Three years later, the Lord brought a wonderful man into my life, who ended up becoming my husband and an amazing father to my son. It was so overwhelming to know that even after all of the poor choices I had made, the Lord never quit pursuing my heart and never stopped trying to get me back on track. God is good. God is SO good.
Pictured: My mother and me on my wedding day.
However, my journey of refinement didn't stop there. A year into our marriage, my husband and I were elated to learn that we were pregnant with a little girl, but the excitement of that moment was short lived. Within seconds of discovering her gender, the sonographer also noticed a spot on her heart. While many people can have this spot, all children with Downs Syndrome do have this spot. My doctor had offered me a blood test a few months prior which would have possibly been able to diagnose Down Syndrome, but to his dismay I turned it down since I knew that no diagnose was going to change my commitment to the little life inside my womb. But because of this, he was constantly reminding me that there was a chance my daughter would have it. Through that pregnancy though, God allowed a really cool thing to happened....my husband and I began to realized what a blessing this child would be no matter what. She was fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image. And through declining further testing, my husband and I were able to grow together in our respect for life and our faith in the Lord.
In May of 2006 our daughter was born. She did not have Down syndrome, but I can honestly say that the second the doctor put her in my arms that diagnoses was the furthest thing from my mind. She was perfect no matter what, and her life was of great value no matter what.
I look back and realize how the world could have easily justified killing not only myself, but also my two children. We were the “could've, would've and should've's” of abortion. But through knowing the truth, His truth, even in the face of crisis we were all able to receive the greatest blessing of all- the gift of life. We must never underestimate the power of our actions or our words. My mother taught me how to respect life from a very young age and now she has a legacy that will honor her for generations to come.
Pictured: My blessings.
Post by Destiny